Surrender

This was sort of the topic at at church last week, and guess what?  This week it hit home!  Why does that always happen?  Everytime I hear a sermon I am able to directly apply it within days.  I know you can agree with me on this!  This week was no different.  It has been a long week, ups and downs and some really crazy stuff going on.  Stuff I have no control over, which is an issue for me.  I have now laid it down for God and his Son to take over.  That is such a great feeling, to just let it go and KNOW I don't have the answers and I don't need to know all the time!  I like to say to myself "humility gains peace and grace" does that make sense?  I know I don't have the answers, don't need to know them, therefore by being humble and handing my stuff onto my creator I gain so much peace!  For a control freak this is not achieved without serious prayer.  I have prayed so much this week, mostly last night that I finally feel that peace.  I have surrendered once again, giving the power back where it belongs and letting HIS will be done.  I know without a doubt great things happen when I humbly do this, they have throughout my life.  In fact, the BEST things in my life have happened when I have done this.  I know the answers will come through loud and clear in the next couple of weeks and regardless of what they may reveal, I am ready to receive them.  One will change things so drastically that at the moment I just can't even start to fathom it, and the other will bring some saddness but also clarity in the future!  I know this is vague, but the details aren't really important.  The babble of what I am praying about really doesn't matter, what matters is I am reminded again of how important it is to keep praying, and seeking that peace that comes with having an authentic relationship with my creator.  Laying down my concerns and questions have given me a peace once again.  After a good session of prayer I always feel so light, the physiological aspects of prayer are really amazing.  I feel them so intensely that I guess I was moved to share them.  My senses are heightened and the lightness, almost "airy" feeling I get in my chest is wonderful.  A deep sense of relief, peace and knowing that things happen for a reason gives me hope and confidence in what the next few weeks will reveal. 

Hittin' the streets, for tiny feet!

Saturday, April 17th, was the March of Dimes, March for Babies.  This was my 3rd walk in 4 years, and the largest one I have walked.  Wyatt, Chris and I got up very early on Saturday to get to Phoenix in time for the 7:00 a.m. registration, and walk at 8:00!  I love this organization because they have been so effective in their mission of preventing prematurity as well as supporting research and families who are impacted by prematurity.  March of Dimes last campaign was to encourage and educate women on the importance of Folic Acid during their pregnancy, and even before they ever conceived in order to prevent spina bifida as well as other birth defects.  They can take much of the credit for women knowing the importance of prenatal vitamins!  Prematurity is becoming all too common, and March of Dimes has become a leader in helping families to prevent as well as save premature babies. 

As we were getting ready for the walk to begin, I made note of the many teams wearing their team shirts. Many were from hospitals, banks and other businesses.  I was moved most by the families who were wearing the shirts in honor of their little ones.  So many families had shirts with pictures of their babies, so tiny, hooked up to tubes and machines, always pictured with the hand of their mom or dad in the frame.  Under the picture, many families had the name of the baby with the exact dates of their birth and their death.  I cried while we registered as I read the shirts.  Every time I turned around I saw another one, all with dates 3-4 weeks apart.  I cannot fathom that kind of pain.  I found these families incredibly empowering and they really reminded me why I was there.  I was there to support them, because my babies were and are healthy.  I am one of the lucky ones.  As we walked through downtown Phoenix it was so heartening to see families lining the roads to cheer us on.  I snapped a picture of one such family and the signs that were everywhere.  They were yelling, "Thank you!" "Bless you" and so on.  Their sweet babies had survived.  Many of them held signs with their little ones name, picture, some saying "Born 15 week Early....Now 5 years old and Healthy!"...all of them had little anecdotes like that.  It was a sharp contrast to the saddness for the families who had experienced the loss of a child.  I walked feeling so hopeful and amazed that so many people took time to raise awareness and money for a great cause.  Those of us who are blessed with healthy births, babies and get to take our babies home from the hospital right away should really pay it forward.  By the grace of God....

I am hoping to organize such a walk in the next year to raise money of Infantile Scoliosis Outreach Program.  This organization helped us so much, and I know how great these events can be to get the word out.  A friend in Texas (I follow her blog if you are interested) has done this before and I would like to pay it forward!  If you are an expectant mother or going to have babies at some point, check out the March of Dimes website.  It is full of great information on how to prevent prematurity and have a healthy pregnancy and baby!  What a great way to spend the morning.  Hug your babies if you have 'em!

World Wildlife Zoo Field Trip

Last Thursday Wyatt and I went with Taylor and her class to the World Wildlife Zoo here in Surprise.  Maddy, Ivy and Matt also went, but Ivy was suffering with allergies/sinus infection and so was Maddy, so they didn't stay too long.  Once we finally got into the zoo we all had a great time.  Taylor was busy looking at all of the animals, and putting stickers on her "map" as part of her Zoo project.  We really like the WW Zoo because you get very close to the animals!  It is right down the road, so we don't have to drive too far, and they do a lot of good because they rescue animals all over the world.  Maddy and Taylor got to feed a giraffe, I wish I could have gotten a picture of it.  They have the longest tongues I have ever seen, and Maddy was not scared at all!  She had giraffe slobber all over her hand...YUCK!  She is a brave one!  Taylor loved running everywhere with her friends, and Wyatt did great.  He even missed his "sometimes" morning nap, and hung in there with the big kids.  We also visited the aquarium, and it was really neat to see all of the sharks and fish, even an albino alligator.  Here are some pics from the aquarium.  The really cute picture of the girls against the glass is a couple of Taylor's friends from school.  I love the face Brooklyn was making, she is so cute!  I guess she was either surprised or being a fish.  She and Taylor are the best of friends, and they have so much fun together.  From her first day of school, Taylor and Brooklyn have been attached at the hip.  We are very grateful for Brooklyn and her sweet family!

Maternal Death Rates

I don't really want to use my blog to post too much political or news type of stuff...but I had to post this.  Anyone who knows me, knows my passion for pregnancy and birth, especially the most natural and healthy possible...

http://www.aolnews.com/health/article/maternal-death-studies-spark-public-health-debate/19439435?icid=main|main|dl1|link6|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.aolnews.com%2Fhealth%2Farticle%2Fmaternal-death-studies-spark-public-health-debate%2F19439435

Please post comments!

March for Babies

Here is the link to my personal page!  I am marching for babies again this year...in Phoenix!  Sponsor me as I walk to save premature babies...follow the link below for more information...More to come soon!

http://www.marchforbabies.org/Peacefulmama

Cookout at the Graham Ranch

Saturday night we all visited my cousin, Scott Graham and his family at his ranch in Cave Creek. I hadn't seen Scott since our family reunion in Kingman Az in June of 2008. My Aunt Nettie and Uncle Don were there, Scott's daughter, Shae, my cousin Justin, my parents and my brother's family. It was a big crowd, and we all had a great time! Scott has about 70 horses right now, he trains them for shows. He has a really nice place, and helped Maddy and Taylor get to ride some horses. Both girls were so excited. We tried to get Wyatt on one, and he didn't really like getting up there with someone he didn't know. He was more intrigued with the horse trough that had fish in it. After the girls got some riding in, it was time for a cookout. Scott has built his own cowboy outdoor grill, and we had some good food and a fire. It was fun listening to Scott, my Dad and my Uncle Don talk about the old days. Taylor was more than enamored with my cousin Justin, a cowboy hat is all that girl needs.

Hikes, Family, Earthquake & Poison Control-Good Times

It has been a whirlwind since last Friday.  The weekend was filled with excitement around here because my sister-in-law, Ivy, my niece, Maddy and my Grandmother all arrived via plane on Saturday night.  Chris and I grilled and had dinner ready for them when they got to our house. That morning, my good friend Mandi and I hike two trails in the White Tank Mountains.  It was a lot of fun, great to chat with a good friend, and enjoy the beautiful outdoors together.  Hopefully we can hit the 7 mile hike before it gets too hot.

 My Mom and brother, Matt, had left Colorado in his truck on Saturday with a trailed filled with Grandma's belongings, she is moving here!  Sunday morning Chris left for a week of training in Georgia, so that part was awful.  Leaving first thing on Easter morning, and I was hosting brunch!  My Mom and Matt got into town early Sunday a.m., and came over for brunch with the rest of the family.  We were joined by my longtime friend, Mandi, who brought a great Trifle, for the pics and recipe go to http://www.stuffiwantbeforethebar.blogspot.com/.  It was excellent, and I know Chris will want a re-do.  It included his faves, whipped cream, cake and berries!  Poor guy, he was on his way to Georgia where they lost his luggage, of course.  And on Easter Sunday!  Anyway, Ivy and I took the kids to the carnival put on by the church where Taylor goes to school (verdict is still out on whether we will be regulars or not).  They got hot, sticky and tired, just how I like my kids to be!  We spent the rest of the afternoon poolside at my parents house, and weirdly were part of an earthquake.  It was very odd.  I felt like I was on a wave, but I had ridden the tea cups at the carnival with the girls so I thought it was just me.  Ivy said "are we moving?"-then we all came to the realization that we weren't individually going crazy, and that we ALL felt the motion.  The water in the pool started sloshing over the sides, and it felt very much like we were on a boat!  I freaked and wanted to run back inside (this was my first earthquake) every other natural disaster you GO inside!  My Dad was the picture of calm, and said stay put.  It lasted for 30-45 seconds.  It went away, and then came back.  It seemed to last forever.  The earthquake was located in Baja CA/Mexico and was 7.2!  We are about 200-220 miles from the epicenter.  So now I have seen a tornado (a few actually), been in a hurricane and an earthquake.  Please do not let this trend continue!  At least we made it out of Fargo before the floods!  Since Sunday we have been busy catching up with our Wyoming family.  The girls play non stop, and they fight like sisters.  Tomorrow the guys are moving Grandma into her apartment, and maybe we get to check out the pool!  My parents pool is getting up in temperature so it won't be long before we can hop in without screaming.  About 2 weeks and it will be good to go.  Wyatt took a dip this afternoon in fact, and promptly climbed out of the pool.  Same child who chugged on a bottle of Palmolive yesterday, forcing me to call Poison Control.  He was fine except for a tummy ache and the bubbles when he burped.  This child is going to either teach me to be calm finally or give me a heart attack, probably the latter (I am pretty sure the first is impossible!)  I am anxious to have Chris home-he will arrive Saturday morning.  Hopefully we can get out and shoot some guns in the desert and I would really like to go golfing.  My clubs haven't been dusted off since before Taylor was born.  Not one of my most illustrative posts, but I am soooo tired after running after the kids at the park for 2 hours this afternoon and almost tearing a mouthy and rude 16 year old BOY off of his bike.  Seriously, I know he wouldn't have been such a weak little boy if my husband had been there, in fact he would have been as meek as a mouse! 

If you wish upon a star...

Today we went to Disney on Ice in Phoenix! I had originally planned on taking Taylor, and Chris was going to take a much needed and deserved day off with Wyatt. As fate would have it, he got called in to work due to a threat case he had to work. So I got to take both kids! I was a little worried that Wyatt would not be able to sit still, he doesn't sit for anything. I knew having to walk around with him would ruin the show for Taylor, so I was really apprehensive about taking him. We got parked, and I walked several blocks through downtown Phoenix pushing the umbrella stroller with Wyatt, and a fully dressed Cinderella on my shoulders. I got plenty of funny looks from the working folks downtown as we made our way to the US Airways Center. Someday I will get the city figured out! We got in our seats right as the show started and the kids were spellbound. With eyes wide, Taylor smiled and pointed as Mickey and Minnie Mouse introduced the show. Wyatt was bouncing on my lap and shrieking with delight at his favorite cartoon character before his eyes, Mickey! He was pointing and laughing, clapping and kept looking at me. He danced the entire first half of the show and was a perfect angel. He became a little edgy during the second act, but some goldfish, and yogurt covered raisins kept the wiggles at bay. Taylor was amazed as she watched her princesses in real life, and she especially loved the act with Pinocchio. She is my child, she loves the classics more than anything! Alice in Wonderland and Pinocchio are two that she repeatedly loves to watch. At the end of the show we made our way out of the crowds and Taylor reached celebrity status. I was surprised not many girls were dresssed up! A sweet little boy about Taylor's age came up to her and his mom said "Aiden wants to meet the most pretty Cinderella, can we get a picture of them?" Always gracious to her adoring fans, the princess stood with the shy and starry eyed prince, held his hand and took a picture. I thought little Aiden was going to fall over when she hugged him, I think he really thought she was Cinderella! It was so precious and his mother was so nice. We topped of the afternoon with a bite at Hard Rock Cafe, and Chris was able to leave work a little early. What a perfect ending to a magical day. Taylor and I sang "if you wish upon a star..." all the way back to the car. Happy Easter to everyone!

A Few of My Favorite Things...

This sounds a bit like Christmas I know. It is one of my "favorite" Christmas songs, but I often find myself thinking of the words and singing them as I go over my day. At days end I am usually tired, the kind of tired that I hadn't felt prior to being a mother, and one that stays at home during the day. I get more irritable around dinner time. I start being a bit more short with the kids, my fuse is short, as I hurry around the kitchen getting dinner going for a hungry family. This is usually when Wyatt is at his fussiest, Taylor gets particularly demanding, and I am attempting to put something edible on the table in record time (also include a load of laundry, some minor cleaning, feed the dog, and any other chores I have neglected over the course of the day). So at this point in my day, I am not the beaming mother of calm, more like Mommy Dearest. However, by the time we sit down for dinner and begin the banter with Taylor and are watching Wyatt devour and use his food as hair styling design-I usually am thanking my lucky stars again. This song pops into my head usually after bath/shower time. Like tonight. The kids were bathed, smelling clean and delicious, Tea Tree & Lavender is an amazing scent for babies! They were rosy cheeked, and bright eyed, and giggling as they bounced on Mom and Dad's bed. Wyatt was rolling around, laughing like a squeaky toy (if you haven't had the distinct pleasure of this heavenly sound, it really sounds like a squeaky toy), and Taylor was giggling as she bounced him all over. He eventually rolled off the bed on the floor, depite Dad trying to grab him by the foot. Not a cry was to be heard (probably because I wasn't around to gasp). As I gave them each their little "massages" with lotion, and listened to their sighs of relaxation, I thought "this is one of those favorite things". I count my blessings throughout each day, sometimes I can't believe I get to do the things I do. While the days can be long and sometimes emotionally and physically exhausting, they are rewarding and so special. I get to spend each and every day with two of the most spectacular people on the planet! The little stories I hear throughout the day that are uttered through the lips of my daughter could fill a book. Today it was the following:
"so Taylor, what story did you learn in school today?"
"the cross story"
"and what is that story? who was on the cross"
"Jesus was on the cross, he died for our sins...(now with a big sigh) the mean people put him up on a cross and they put a crown with stickeries that poked his head and made him bleed. He died"
"oh that is sad. But what is the most amazing part of the story?"

Right on cue, my daughter says...
"he came back!"
WOW! She and I are in step with each other most of the time, and I love the way our conversations flow. Real conversations! Little dialogue like this make me add this to my favorite list. Here are a few more of my favorite "Taylor" things.
* the way her faces flushes when she is warm, and how dark and soft her eyes are
* the way she fits herself against me when we cuddle, or if she sits in my lap
* her squeals when Daddy gets home from work
* the constant inquiries, and her insight into the world
* how she loves lip gloss, like me!
* how she says "remember", she says it "be-member"
* that she calls herself a "pine cone hunter, and a tree hunter"
* the world is her stage, she sings all day, rhyming and making up songs and dances
* her love for her grandparents and other family members, little things she says...like to my mom on a walk "I am so glad I get to see you Uma"
* the way she smells, I still pick up her bear and smell it or bury my face in her hair when she lays down
* how she relishes in my back rubs, and asks me to lightly rub her arms
* the sweet prayers she utters, and how she sees God, or how I see God in her every day

Of course Wyatt also gives me lots of favorite things material!
* squeaky toy laughs and giggles
* his cuddles and open mouthed, gooey kisses
* his yummy cheeks and belly, the best for kisses and raspberries from Mom
* the way he kicks at me when I change his diaper. While frustrating, he laughs at me as I struggle and I know this child is going to be a challenge for the rest of my life.
* the light in his eyes when he is about to do something very naughty
*his chubby, sausage like fingers as they stuff whatever food I have given to him into his sweet mouth
* how no one on the planet can make him laugh like his sister, big belly laughs
* that the word "dat" and "u-ble" substitute for everything
* that he cries when I am upset, or when Taylor is hurt, so sensitive
* his excitment when his Dad walks in the room
* when he hold out his arms for me, and that no matter what, I am the one who makes everything better for him whether it be a broken heart or an ouchie
* same as Taylor, his smell. He smells like Wyatt, like his own person. I can pick up his bear as well, and smell him, just breathe him in. When we cuddle in bed, and I can put my nose in his hair and smell him.
* when he gets so tired, but happy tired, and deliriously climbs all over the house and giggles, flopping all over the place. Rough-housing with his Dad and sister, rolling on the floor.
* that no matter what, I am his mother forever.

These are a few, but I was kind of bubbling over tonight after a great day with the two of them. Though tired, I sit here, listening to their quiet sighs as they sleep (via these very cool night vision monitors) and I fight the urge to gather them up in my arms, carry them into my bed so I can be near them more! What a contradiction! During the day I pray for a few precious moments to myself, and yet, when those moments present themselves, I yearn for those two babes more than anything....